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Joseph Scarbrough launched what he called "The Scarblog" as a way of cataloging his work over the years, as well as going into greater detail of things on his mind (known as "Unfinished Thoughts").

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Transcript for STEVE'S INEFFICIENT CHRISTMAS (Part 2)

Continuing, here is the script for the second part of the six-part for what was intended to be a Christmas Eve special in 2011; Part Two of STEVE'S INEFFICIENT CHRISTMAS formally introduced Ella the Elf, Santa's sassy and sarcastic Head Elf In Charge Of Stuff, who has very little patience, very little cheer, and gets more and more aggrivated over Steve not being able to remember her name.

Ella was intended to be a one-shot character for this special only, but as you may or may not know by now, she returned for another guest appearance in "Jingle Jangle All the Way" in 2012.

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STEVE’S INEFFICIENT CHRISTMAS – PART 2

FADE IN.

INT. SANTA’S HEADQUARTERS – NIGHT

Ella the Elf checks to see that the Santa Radar is in working order, as Steve watches on.

ELLA
… So that’s how you can find where Santa’s current location is.

STEVE
So, Santa’s not lost then?

ELLA
Uh, hardly.

STEVE
Oh, good! Thanks, Della.

ELLA
(Faces Steve) It’s Ella, kid; the name’s Ella the Elf.

                                                                        STEVE
Oh yeah. (Faces viewers) Hey, we got things all straightened up here, thanks to her (Points to Ella), this is Bella!

ELLA
Uh, that’s Ella, remember?

STEVE
Right, that’s what I said. And she’s the Head Elf in Charge of Stuff! Can you believe that? The Head Elf in Charge of Stuff! (To Ella) That must be a pretty awesome job, huh?

ELLA
Well, it at least shows that we’re up with the times in letting women have some position of authority around here.

STEVE
Yeah, so, what all does a Head Elf in Charge of Stuff do?

ELLA
Well, obviously, to keep things around here running smoothly, while the Big Guy’s out there, bringing toys to all them pesky little brats like you… and lemme tell ya, it’s not an easy task; anything can happen at a moment’s notice, so you have to remain on your toes.

STEVE
Wow, that certainly does sound like a really important job!

Ella nods.

STEVE (cont)
So, can you tell us all a little more about the Santa Radar Tracker System, Hannah?

ELLA
Ella! And yeah, sure…

Ella turns backs to work on the machine, while Steve watches.

ELLA (cont)
You see…

Cut to close of Ella, arbitrarily pushing the buttons on the large key pad below the Map Screen.

ELLA (cont)
It hasn’t always been easy trying to keep tabs on Santa’s exact whereabouts during his annual flight around the world on Christmas Eve, I sure can tell you there’s been plenty of nights where we were never exactly sure if he would be making it back to the North Pole, let alone what kind of shape he and the sleigh would be in! There have certainly been a number of close calls, what with low-flying aircraft, not to mention a few natural catastrophes, like blizzards and such. We’ve tried a number of different methods and techniques over the centuries to try and help us keep track of Santa’s whereabouts during his flight, such as homing devices, and censors, but they were only offering us teaspoonful’s of any kind of accuracy. But luckily, that all changed by the time the 1980s rolled around, thanks to digital technology coming into vogue, and some of our crack technical and mechanical experts, we were able to develop this Santa Radar Tracker System, which has really been helpful in letting us see Santa’s exact, pinpoint location throughout his flight; this is some very sophisticated technology! At least it was back in the 80s… we’re way behind and outdated now, but we’ve never been able to get the system upgraded... even Santa’s Headquarters haven’t been recession proof either, it’s like Congress has got more puppets workin’ for them than Joseph Scarbrough. Plus, it doesn’t help that our only power source is our puny number two generator.

Cut to previous shot of Steve and Ella.

STEVE
Can’t you switch to your number one generator?

ELLA
Number one was stolen by a band of South Pole Elves.

STEVE
Wow. Well, this has all been very interesting, Sarah!

Ella whips around to face Steve again.

ELLA
IT’S ELLA! I’VE ONLY TOLD YOU THAT ABOUT A HUNDRED TIMES YA DUMB KID! THE NAME IS ELLA, ELLA THE ELF! ELLA! ELLA! ELLA!

STEVE
Okay, okay! Sorry! Sheesh, don’t  get your little pointed shoes in a knot!

ELLA
Boots!

STEVE
Pointed boots, I’m sorry. (Looks down) You wear boots?

ELLA
Hey, I like to be able to strut-my-elf-stuff when I get the chance.

STEVE
Yeah, okay, whatever. (Pauses) So, where exactly do you think Santa is now?

ELLA
Well, looking at the data being provided by the tracking device, and looking at the radar imaging, it would appear that Santa is just off the eastern coast of the United Kingdom, heading for London.

STEVE
Wow, this is so exciting! Well thanks a lot for all your help, Shirley!

Ella clinches her jaw. Cut to close of Ella as she begins jittering angrily, on the verge of blowing her top.

FX/SFX: Steam billowing out of Ella’s ears.

Ella quickly snaps out of it, and gives Steve a taste of his own medicine.

ELLA
You’re very welcome… Stevie!

Cut to previous shot of Steve and Ella as Ella exits, leaving Steve flustered.

STEVE
Uh! Duh! Hey! Hey, now wait now, hey! Wait a minute! I was… and then you were… then you just… you don’t… hey, that was completely uncalled for! (Faces viewers) I’m betting she’s one of those “South Pole Elves”. 

FADE OUT.

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